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Drained
Friday, March 2 2012 at 1:33 pm
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Just days after my fresh awakening and positive energy, I feel drained with bad news and negative energy.
I feel more drained than I have for a long time. I feel self conscious and angry. I have not been sleeping well and still have the anxiety and stressed feeling. I think I need tonight to not go out but just to relax. Need some R & R for myself.
At the end of the night at my friend' birthday, I could not extract the energy to listen to the conversation let alone speak. It was unlike me but maybe I just need my own remedies this weekend:
-workout 1 day
-swim 1 day
-sauna 2-3 days
-bubble bath 1 day
-yoga 1 day
-gourmet cooking
-clean house
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The best charity starts at home
Wednesday, February 29 2012 at 1:23 pm
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On Monday I had dinner with a friend and had some good catch up time
Tuesday - went to a friend's place who was down and cheered her up with something she likes - chocolate mik.
She started crying with joy.
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It's amazing what a good night's sleep can accomplish
Wednesday, February 29 2012 at 1:22 pm
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I finally had a little breathing room this week after my volunteering, working, stressed about my evaluations, catching up with old friends, etc.
last week
Monday - Wing night in South Shore
Tuesday - Comedy Show in the Village
Wednesday - Pool Night at MCleans
Thursday - Drinks with Friends and losing at pool again at McLeans
Friday - long lost friend from Toronto comes into town and we catch up
Saturday - Nuit Blanche with Penguins, Fire Show, Magic Show Theatre, Place des Arts and drinks
Sunday - Ferris Wheel, Eggspectations, and visiting the Ronald MacDonald House of Charity
It was the end of my two weeks of doing the Food Drive, I have learned...
1) shocking news about Quebec's attitudes about charities:
http://www.fraserinstitute.org/uploadedFiles/fraser-ca/Content/research-news/research/publications/generosity-index-2011.pdf
http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2010/12/20/16624081.html
It happened when someone in my building protested against the Food Drive sign being in English. She did not offer to provide a legible sign - just threatened my landlord about calling the Language Police because this charity was offensive to her for some reason...
2) How easy it to help someone else - even if you have fight for what you believe it (such as a angry protesting sign-hater)
3) How many differerent causes there are to get involved with.
4) people see you in a different light simply when you explain what you have done in the past 2 weeks
5) how much of a fighter I can be for things I believe in
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Be careful fo the freakshows on Craigslist who try to scam you...like Ahmad J!
Thursday, February 16 2012 at 9:16 pm
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I was selling a used cellphone for $50 on craigslist. This ripoff named Ahmad agreed on the price and meeting time. I set up an early meeting time just to accommodate his work schedule. He then gets angry at the fact that I didn't sell the phone for a even cheaper price than the one I posted. I never lied about the condition or quality of the phone. Everything works exactly the I way have described.
He not only yelled at me in person that very early morning but also spent the rest of the morning day sending me angry emails from his work account. Openface must have very low standards when hiring if they allow their employees to do this:
9:02AM Thu, 8 Jul 2010
I would like to ask
> > you to consider the time you would have to spend to read and send e
> > mails, answering calls and arranging for the meeting with potential
> > buyers of your phone and the $10 less that you will receive from me
> for
> > the phone. Do you think it really worth it? I would appreciate if you
> > decide to sell it to me for $40 that is only $10 less. This way both
> of
> > us would be happy. In that case, as I work near your building at a
> > company on Park Avenue, I can come over, pay you $40 in cash and get
> it
> > from you anytime during the day between 8:30 and 4:30 pm.
> >
> > Regards,
> >
> > Ahmad
39 minutes later:
> Please take my name off from you file! and don't bother to consider it
> for future.
> Seems that you have not posted ads on such websites to sell something.
> Interested people go and see the item and check if it matches the claims
> of the seller and their own expectations and then if they like it, they
> would offer their price or accept the same original price. Neither the
> seller nor the potential buyer will lose anything. This is different
> from buying from a store, it's a used item.
>
> Good luck,
>
> Ahmad J
> DVM, MSc
In the first two emalis, this genius still cannot spell my name even though it is in my email...seriously...
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August 18
Thursday, August 18 2011 at 6:46 pm
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It's been a month and I am very disappointed in the way you wanted to end things.
There are two ways to be disappointed in a someone you considered a friend: Selfishness and Stupidity
Somehow over the course of taking 1 month to not apologize to me, you have become both of these.
If I lean towards stupidity, I would giving you the benefit of the doubt. That means that I would be expecting you call me when you have returned from the beach assuming that our friendship was anything to you at all. As a result, you would have been at the beach for a very long time...since July 28
If I lean toward selfishness, I would be pinpointing the exact moments in which you have completely let me down. I did notice that you did not apologize for betraying me and hanging out with someone who has caused me great pain. I also noticed that it took a lot out of me to organize a birthday, order a gift from overseas, and attend an event for friend who lied to me and didn't apologize. I worked hard at making your birthday so great for you - everything from the dinner to the end of the night and you couldn't even find it in your selfish, pride-ridden heart to apologize to someone you have purposefully wronged.
Really, the only I thing I wanted to ask you that day when I unintentionally disturbed your important beach field trip was what you were doing the night before that made you so late to meet me for lunch? The last thing I heard from Yousef was begging you to meet the French person you apparently told him about. If that was not the reason why you were so late to meet me, it would have hurt less. It would have also hurt less if I was not counting on you as a friend and didn't call/text you 6 different times. Yes, I have been let down by a lot of people but none of them made a false vow "I am always there for my friends - they are important to me." You said this out loud on the way home the night before your birthday.
I remembered it vividly because it was right after you lied to me about that neighbour. It triggered something inside me because I distinctly knew that you didn't apologize to me for lying and betraying. If someone were to run you over with a car on urpose or accidentally, trust me, I would not be taking them out and buying them drinks. If you believe you are there for your friends, then I guess I wasn't one of them.
Another thing that bothered me for the past month was that after you confessed your feelings for me a while back. I was not very happy to hear it. I didn't feel the same way about you and I liked having you as a friend. This never worked out for me in the past. It tended to turn into suppressed resentment towards me because I would never fall in love with them...exactly the way I described to them. These people in the past have taught me to more careful when I get a speech like that. I hope your lack of friendship, consideration, and sincerity is not rooted back to that night when you told me how you felt. I have been int he butt-end of that deal and I do not want to go back there - not with you.
I used to have this friend who told me that I reminded too much of his former fiance who dumped him. He had the most back-handed resentment towards me. He would humuliate me in front of strangers to make himself feel more desirable; he would cockblock me like crazy; he would be physically inappropriate when drunk. It got a point where it was not worth being around someone that destructive. I'm not accusing you of any of these behaviours. I am hoping that you do not have any of those messed up feelings like that ex-friend did.
I am very much trying to figure out who you are versus who you claim to be. The situation was worsened ten-fold by your ignorance of the situation and you carelessness. That neighbour did the same thing: felt something was wrong, pretended to want to talk me, and was too much of a pussy to come 2 flights of stairs to knock on my door. I wans't worth it to her to find out and mend any friendship. You knew all of that. You knew how she ignored the situation and how it wasn't worth it to someone as two-faced as her. Now, if you are doing exactly the same thing, what am I supposed to think?
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Whatever
Thursday, July 28 2011 at 5:14 pm
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That could be the most attractive and yet the painful word at the same time.
Standing me up and not making it up to me is one thing. saying "whatever" about our friendship is another. showing me exactly how much you do not appreciate my time and lack any ounce of respect is really something isn't it?
for the first time, my magic eight ball is wrong. I wasn't supposed to reconcile with Alex yet. If I hadn't attempted to reconcile a friendship that only one of us cares about, then today would still only have the original issue that he fucked up. That would be when he stood me up and humiliated me. what kind of a friend has to call 2X on his cell, 2X on his homephone and leave 4 text messages?
I am not that desperate and pathetic for an immature 22 year who has trouble learning respect and decency. It takes a bit of talent to have fun and cook but it takes a real moral core to be a good person.
This one time walking down st catherine street, I almost blew up when he said the fucking bullshit phrase "I'm always there for my friends." Seriously? this was just days after he lied to me about Liz. He then couldn't man up to admit that he does in fact take sides - just hypocritically. That meaning he takes sides selfishly and carefully. Choosing the side that would best benefit him at the time and then lying about to everyone else to make it seem like he had character - "I'm always there for my friends." - seriously? The best thing I can do for him is just give him the benefit of the doubt that he was too drunk to mean any of that. The only other alternative is to presume that he treats me so differently because I am not someone he considers a friend at all.
I don't forgive a lot of people, especially a lot of people who didn't actually say the words "I am sorry." I gave this kid the benefit of the doubt once again. You can only get away with so much shitty behaviour until you realize that this person you are dealing with doesn't have the qualities that you once saw...
Last night, I had a dream about this reconciliation. Yes, unlike some people who just think reconciliations are just "whatever," they actually do mean something to me. I thought that dream meant that I was supposed to go talk to Alex today so I went to find him in his apartment and he wasn't there. He then msgs me that he was at the beach. Well, I am glad that our fight only affected the victim, Me. I guess I should be happy when my so-callde friends are happy. He certainly couldn't care less. This was even more evident when he called me back and this was the conversation:
Me: What?
A: did you just call me?
me: yeah, but that was like hours ago...so we could talk.
A: Oh, I am at a beach.
Me: yeah, I know - well, that's where your priorities are
A: Yeah, Whatever! *click*
Well, I guess if he thought our friendship was whatever, it would certainly put his past behaviours into perspectives:
1. Lying about Liz
2. Standing me up when I reminded him all week (I am also prettry sure I already know why he didn't show.)
3. Explaining that our reconciliation was just "whatever" to him.
I wish I knew this before so I would have cared about his shit so much. I am always mad at myself when I get to know people's true sides: Bitchy Neighbour, Cambodian Midget, Jew Roommate.
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http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Unreliable-Friends
Tuesday, July 26 2011 at 3:29 pm
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Ever found that a certain friend often makes plans with you, only to break or change them at the last minute? If you have, chances are you have an unreliable friend. Here are some suggestions as to how to deal with the situation.
- Bear in mind this might not be personal. Not everybody who treats others in an unreliable manner means to. It's possible there's a reason behind the behaviour you aren't aware of - particularly if previously you've known your friend to be reliable and this is a recent change in their behaviour.
- Try talking to your friend. If you feel that the above situation applies to you, try asking your friend some subtle questions on how they are and about what is happening in their life. If there is a problem going on with them you aren't aware of which is affecting their state of mind, such as maybe health or family issues, chances are they'll share this with you.
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Create a Plan B. When next making arrangements with this friend, create a backup plan in case they let you down. That way, you'll be safe in the knowledge that regardless of whether or not this friend keeps to the commitment, you'll still get to spend the day in a way enjoyable to you. This might include seeing another friend, carrying out an outdoor activity on your own, or trying out a new indoor activity you've not thought of before.
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Consider employing assertive behaviour techniques.If you feel that the first two steps in this article don't apply to your situation, it might be worth implementing some assertive behaviours towards your friend. This doesn't have to mean confronting them or getting into an argument, but it is important to make personal boundaries clear. For example, if on the next occasion your friend says they'll confirm plans by a certain time, but you feel it's unlikely they'll stick to this, you could say something along the lines of that it's fine, but if it happens you don't hear from them you'll assume plans are off and do something else. That way, you're not dictating to them as to what they should and shouldn't be doing (which could be seen as aggressive) but at the same time are not sacrificing your right to spend a day in a way you would like on their account. This will also make it obvious to them that your free time is not to be taken for granted.
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If all else fails, think about moving on from this relationship.
If all else fails, think about moving on from this relationship. There are unfortunately cases where some people have a genuine problem with respecting other people's time and aren't likely to change anytime soon. If you've already attempted the previous steps, and it's not having the desired effect, it's probably better to move on from having much to do with this person and focus on other areas of your life - including people who know how to treat you better.
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