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Bullying, harassment, parenting, teenagers, , Formspring, Teenagers, Abuse, Bell Canada, Complaint, Disconnection, Recession, Toronto Film Festival 2010, Blogging, Celebrity, Season, Fall, Changes, Hay House Radio, Encouragement, |
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I am a mother of a child who attempted suicide after being bullied.
Thursday, January 13 2011 at 1:07 pm
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I've written some cryptic blogs about bullying, but I'm so fed up that it is time to speak up on behalf of my daughter and other children, who are suffering sleepless nights and horrible thoughts due to bullying. I wonder why we only hear about bullying in the media when there is a death? I'm hear to speak up about bullying before the worst happens in my home. I am the voice of the survivor.
Our horror started on December 8th, when my husband called me as I was driving on the 401 that my 15 year old daughter was taken to the hospital by a family friend. I immediately contacted my friend and she informed me that my daughter had taken Adderall and Tylenol and that poison control felt it was best to take her to emergency. She also informed me that my daughter was beside herself when she arrived because of text messages sent to her.
I went to the hospital and sat by her beside as they administered saline solution to force the drugs through her body so they would not affect her muscles. The amount of Tylenol was not a concern, but the Adderall was.
My daughter was apologetic but forlorn as she laid there crying her heart out. My heart and head did not know what to do or say at that point. I was in shock to see my strong willed daughter in that condition. I contacted my husband who relayed a few text messages that he found on my daughter's phone, from a boy at school.
Bully Message #1: Lol just read your retarded text to jonathan. Your such a bullshit lier. Your real self whether you know it or not is an annoying attention whore. You like to lie about stupid things to get attention like you did about the drugs but if you wanted to do it with skill you would have learned a bit about what you were talking about. Btw stop talking to lucas You take it all from him then ditch him like the bitch you are. Stop being a selfish bitch and think about someone besides yourslef. You like to tell people your life is so hard when its not. Faking drug abuse and a bus accident is ignorant when there are real people out there that it happens too. And btw don't complain lucas cuz he actually has a hard life. And you don't know what a hard life is so stfu and move on no one gives a shit
My daughter's response and apology: You know nothing about my "retarded life" alright there was a bus accident i saw it with my two eyes , you know nothing about me. Lucas said if i needed to talk he was there for me so he talked to me bout my issues i have and when he has problems he talks to me. And i dont even remember what i sent to john and i know the A thing was a lie i just wasnt thinking when i said it. And i know i made a complete fool of my self Bully Message #2: Okay lol lucas doesn't listen when you vent he puts the phone down and walks away. Once again we know there was no bus accident stop fucking lieing! People who know you have told me about you, I know your life isn't retarded if it is its cuz you like sympathy and try to get it from people. I know how to read people and I've dealt with many people like you, but unlike you they listen. I know you know what you sent john because of what you txted him right after me a few minutes ago. So stfu and be real you fake whore.
It went from happily baking cookies when I talked to her at 12:00, getting these texts, and taking pills at 2:30 pm. Had I read this on a day where she was upset, I probably would have said, ignore that idiot and move on! However, if you picture yourself sitting beside a hospital bed while listening to this, well, there's so much more to consider. It is then that you realize, harsh words in any form can destroy a person in times of weakness.
Now there is no two ways about it, there is a story behind this. A typical teenage story where teens make mistakes. A typical story where most sane kids just would cut communication and not drag in other people into the argument. This boy went too far and drove her over the edge where she felt loneliness, pain, and disconnection from all of her friends. Bullying or harassment, I don't know which one it is or BOTH.
That night, in my rage, I communicated with this youngster only to be relayed to his mother. After my daughter was released from the hospital, we spoke on the phone and we decided to handle this between ourselves. She even offered me a job, that is how amicable the conversation was. That is the time, where my husband was dubious and stated quite clearly that I was dealing with a loony toon and to beware. I assured him that dealing with this amicably and having both parties understand what happened is teaching them adult skills. Isn't that what my Hay House Guru's teach me to do? Boy, was my husband right!
Thursday night, I see one of the boys wrote on his MSN, "Attention Whore", and knew that it was pointed towards my daughter. I decided that I had to inform the school of this, because obviously it will not end at a nice conversation on the phone with one of the mothers.
Sunday, December 12th, I received the following texts from the bully's mother after our conversation on that Thursday morning. Yep, my husband told me to beware and I should have listened.
From: +1416 Received: Dec 12, 2010 2:52 PM Subject: Hi Trina,
Hi Trina, since we've talked I thought it would only be fair to give u an update. Lucas & Johnathan's mom's & I have all talked this weekend & as a result we have all agreed that it's best our boys de solve there friendships with your daughter. More than anything she needs u & your attention right now & what is going on with her is far to serious for our boys to take on or deal with & I will be talking to the school tomorrow along with the other mom's to inform them of our decision. Lucas is not aloud to contact Christina so there is no point to sending the messages as per his mother's rules. My Response To: Sent: Dec 12, 2010 2:58 PM Subject: Wow I must say I'm shocked.
Wow I must say I'm shocked. But thank you for the update. I certainly hope this never happens to your children and they need a friend. All I can say is that I respect your decision but I obviously am nervous about the repreccusions. This is not Christina's fault what so ever....it's the harsh words that made her feel weak in a time of sorrow. Christina is not sick and I highly regret sharing what I did now. I'm very saddened but it is what it is From: +1416 Christina needs u not friends & this is too big to put on our 15 year old boys. u don't have to regret sharing anything with me as I have suspicions the story u told was fabricated. Lucas & Jordyn are good boys & we want them to remain that way. Your daughter is sick because there is no end to the lengths she will go to get attention, this is not healthy behaviour. I am sorry if this hurts but just as u r trying to protect your daughter us mother's need to protect our boys. No one is going to be mean to her in any way they just can't be close friends and hang out is all.
This is coming from a woman whose never met my daughter and truly cannot comprehend exactly how harsh the words of his son's were. Sad, but true.
It all started with two silly incidents. My daughter told them about a GRT Bus Transit accident on Grand Ridge and Sterling MacGregor. The group decided that she was lying and called her on it. Of course, they were so driven to find a lie in her story, that the researched the Internet. However, I don't think they called the GRT directly because they would have been informed otherwise.
In Civics class, my daughter did a presentation. She did it poorly and was laughed at. Someone asked her if she was high and she said yes. Why she lied (but was it sarcasm or a lie) is beyond me, however, I would rather her lie about it than actually do it.
Bottom line, silly reason to start taunting her, even a worse reason to write those words in a text to her when she confronted the issue, said that she was joking about being high, and moved on. Wrong, wrong, wrong in so many ways. When your words and actions cause someone to feel loss and despair, it's harassment or bullying.
I'm enraged that adults do not take the form of messaging through Text, Facebook, and Formspring more seriously. What may appear innocent bickering to us, is in fact bullying and harassment. My daughter didn't do what she did because of how we read it. She did what she did because it hit her heart and soul very hard like a hand being hit across the face.
"I've been told about you." (How does that feel when you are told things that other people have been saying? Is it all of your friends or just some?)
"Attention Whore" or "Your life is so hard." (Well it isn't easy living with ADHD and learning disabilities. Perhaps she does make attention for herself and she needs to "man up", but must it be said so vile?)
If this was said in the Workplace with the new harassment laws, an adult would be written up or fired for their behavior. However, still today, in many cases, Workplace Bullying tends to find the bullied leaving the company.
The bullying still continues, below you will see a person who had no business being in this story besides the bully referencing him in his vile texts. My daughter and this boy were best friends before and I cannot fathom what that woman said to change it because since December 12th, this boy hasn't acknowledged my daughter either.
You'll read this and come to your own conclusions. The story is long and the abuse is much more than this. Slurs in the hallways, dirty looks in class, and being shunned by everyone around the lockers. My daughter isn't mental ill. She's getting all she needs in support and the doctor's even stated that she really has to ignore it. I will not have my daughter diagnosed by a laser toner salesperson in Cambridge, Ontario.
I will stand up for her. I have spent nights after everyone has fallen asleep weeping bitterly because of what she did to herself, her lack of self esteem, and the feeling of helplessness that I cannot control the situation because it only hurts her more at school with her peers.
No child should feel the loss and despair to go to such extremes as she did on December 8th. Yes, call me insane if you will, but I'm also a mother who's had enough. I wish there was a text book for this!
I can't upload pictures so visit http://trina1972.blogspot.com to view.
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Parents: Are your children Formspringing?
Thursday, January 13 2011 at 12:56 pm
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This is an epilogue to my article written about bullying in the Cambridge Times.
Ah the wonderful world of the Internet, the place where emails, texting, and Facebook allows a person to say things, to another, without having to witness the other person's initial reaction. As parent's, at least we are aware of who these people are, even if we cannot comprehend why they are compelled to say it virtually.
Hold on Parent's! There is another new website that not only allows people to ask questions or say things to another, but it allows them to do it anonymously. Check out www.formspring.com , the new and improved way to bully your nemesis. I recently fell on this when my daughter posted an answer to a question on Facebook.
With Formspring, you are able to answer questions, from your friends or anonymous sources. You have the ability promote your answers via Facebook or Twitter. You also have the ability to delete the answer off Formspring and keep it on Facebook and Twitter for all of your friends to see but prevents anonymous onlookers from seeing your answers.
The emotional war of words that I have witnessed on Formspring is quite astounding. I question why our children are answering these questions about them? Is it due to their insecurities that they feel compelled to stand up for themselves? Is it bullying and they feel that if they stand up for themselves, behind the screen, their peers will perceive them differently? In any case, this new form of social networking is appalling and scary.
We've had an incident, with both Facebook and Formspring since this recent bullying incident, which promoted the thought of keeping the computer within viewing area until the children grow wiser to the fact that there will always be one idiot out there to completely knock the wind out of your sails. Realistically though, social networking to our children is like roller skating and a crystal ball for my generation. If you didn't have those skates, you are completely out of the loop. Fortunately, with roller skating, any altercation took place at the snack bar, bathroom, parking lot or on the rink. Unfortunately, in today's age, our children can hide behind a wall and say what they want to say.
How will bullying ever been stopped with the growing access to bully? It must start from the source. Parents have to instill that an unkind word is simply "unkind", and it can harm another person's self esteem. It starts on the day a child pulls a toy out of the hand of another in the sandbox and it must to continue until the child becomes capable of making their own decision on the definition of kindness.
The exercise that works for me when explaining bullying, to another, was for them to consider a nasty message, sent to your teen, that you perceived to be "unkind". Then think about the repercussions in our daily life that we would face, as an adult.
In the workplace, you'd probably be written up, lose a client or be fired.
In your marriage, it could possibly be classified as emotional abuse.
With your children, Family and Children's services wouldn't hesitate to come knocking at your door.
So, I ask, why do our children have to sustain this abuse? Should the classification of bullying change to emotional abuse for people to finally get it?
With the family, a complete breakdown of communication with or without the exception of holidays.
Simply put, it starts with the parent's reprimanding when harsh words are said by their child, and a harsher punishment from the school system. From what I'm seeing, it's a joke.
I'm still grappling and my mind is focused on figuring out the answer. No child should experience the wrath and insults from known or anonymous sources. No parent should have to go through losing a child because of anonymous bullying and random text messages from a misguided disgruntled child.
If only we could teach them what Wayne Dyer promotes, which is, "Always be independent of the good opinion's of others." Ha, if only explaining that to a teenager was that easy. |
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Just When We Think We Have It All Figured Out - We Change
Tuesday, September 28 2010 at 8:07 pm
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| Life is ever changing.
Our thoughts change.
The people around us change.
Our Job, Social Status, and finances change.
Our ability to be at peace is challenged each and every day.
The only thing that remains the same is our soul's inner desires.
T. Stewart
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I'm not going to beat around the bush. It has been 3 months where I have made a vow to change my life. Changing one's life is not easy with a husband (whose very adamant that making money, owning a home, and living the norm is the way to live) and children who are changing daily as they grow.
I want a very simple way of living. It is achievable. I want to be able to greet my kids with a smile rather than a worn out, tired, and hateful mood after driving to Toronto everyday and working an 8 hour shift. I yearn to take long drives like we used to do. To sleep in cheap motels just to get away for the night. I want to be able to sit and write with a clear mind with no worries about credit card payments, the enormous hydro bill, or the extreme fatigue I'm feeling inside.
Most of all, I want to be the Mom and the Woman I can be with the space I so need and desire. It doesn't involve a whole lot of money, nor does it involve living in a place where the cost of living depletes every ounce of funds and energy that I have. It doesn't involve me being a home owner.
However, I have severe road blocks to overcome....the people who are most important to me. The people who have been raised to believe that owning a cell phone is a necessity, going to a movie weekly is a need, and Internet is a be all that ends all. Our fault and the fault of many other parent's who have reached their breaking point and want to break free.
I went to a funeral today for a 17 year old boy in Brandon's Cadet group. He was a drum major for 4 different pipe and drum bands in the area. He was a leader in Cadets and with his peers. I seen him in action and you'd think "Man, that's a boy that has it together!"
It was by far the saddest funeral that I ever attended. So much love for this young child and he either didn't realize it or didn't care at the time he took his life. Why does someone come to the point of taking their life? Helplessness? Wanting something they feel that is unattainable? Being a leader, but yearning to be a follower? Depression? Medication?
I was very tempted to speak to the Minister after and ask him why he couldn't answer the question "Why?" to assist the children in the congregation today? Perhaps the why will assist one portion of the population to stop what they are doing, or encourage a different viewpoint in life, encourage a decrease in Internet usage, or stop the madness of depression and medication distribution from general practitioners and encourage counselling and finding your voice.
I cannot tell you the reason's why. However, after hours of reading, there is always an answer.
I do know that it was mentioned today that perhaps we should encourage our children to get off of Facebook and get out and live the natural beauty of life. To communicate vocally, tell those in your life that you love them and appreciate them in your life. Don't wait until it's too late.
We have all felt loneliness at one time or another in our life. I know that many times, with so many people surrounding me in life, I feel completely and utterly alone. I feel even more lonely now that I'm not living my best life and my yearning for the good life is so strong. However, thoughts of suicide have never entered my mind.
I do know the other day our family conversation went like this.
"Trina, why do you want to sell the house. Tell me what we'll do after!"
"Well I don't know what we'll do after. Perhaps we'll buy a new house but cheaper, perhaps we'll move to a different area where the cost of living will allow us to live our best life. Perhaps, we can rent a townhouse. Living the best life is a chance worth taking."
"I need to know a plan of what we'll do."
"Well we've lost our home and all our contents to a fire....and we made it with no plan AND we're still alive. We moved to Cambridge, struggled, separated, and got back together AND we're still alive. We've learned an important lesson twice that no matter what we go through, we are still alive with or without a plan."
"We are nearing 40 and who knows what's around the corner. You have Crone's and I am unhappy, with small ailments that I don't even have the time or energy to look into. Do we have to wait until one of us is laying in a casket or a hospital bed before we say "Geez, we should have taken the risk while we were well?" Is it really necessary to make drastic changes only when illness strikes or there is a death and finally we realize how precious life is? Or perhaps we'll continue being tired and fatigued to really put interest into our kid's and one day they are facing their darkest knight of the soul and decides to do what this young boy did? Then we'll make some lame excuses how we were working so hard, so tired, living the norm that we didn't see it coming? Life is not about money, career, or a big home. It's about living from the heart and singing from your soul while were still able to live it to the fullest."
Silence......I don't think there is an easy response when we look at life in this way.
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Buh-Bye Bell Canada...From your loyal long term customer
Wednesday, August 18 2010 at 8:52 pm
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| Well, the past few weeks have been crazy. However, financially I think it has been the worst. Everything appears to be breaking including this keyboard that I'm typing on. Frustrating.
During my cut back in hours, I chose to take care of business by keeping the house, heat and hydro paid. I paid the minimum on everything else, including my cell phone which was officially disconnected 10 days ago. I'm so tired of keeping up with the Jones' and want to focus on my dharma.
On the eleventh day, I received a call from Bell demanding payment. Honestly, I couldn't tell them when the next payment could be paid but promised to try my best.
Miraculously, I was reinstated to full time and I paid my bill on Friday. On Monday, I was told that I had to make a security deposit of $200.00. I was like what? This is the first time in 10 years that I've ever been asked of this. I have been a Bell Customer since 2001 and had the same number since then. My cell phone number was ME, similar to Carrie and her NYC area code. It didn't define me, but 580-4182 was Trina and Trina only.
However, I was so disappointed with Bell Canada and the treatment of a long term customer, I broke my existing contract. Years ago, there were stores who held credit for local people. Of course, in today's day and age, it's impossible to do. However, loyalty really appears to be a thankless effort as well. When one is up, anyone will take your money. While when you are down, you finally realize that loyalty remains only with family and friends (sometimes).
So now I sit, with my family home phone, pining for the ability to own a new cell phone (or even my old one). I know that it's not necessary, however, it's become an old friend. I've been online endlessly and even popped into Future Shop looking for options. I'm a stubborn mule as at the end of the day, do I want to commit again to another corporate company who couldn't give a damn when you're down and out temporarily?
Since then, I've discontinued everything with Bell Canada and will never return. This old long term loyal friend has left the building. |
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The Toronto Film Festival Returns For Another Year
Tuesday, August 10 2010 at 10:13 pm
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There's something about the Fall that represents new beginnings for me. Perhaps it's the hours picking and blanching pears and apples to freeze for hot apple pies in the cold winter months. Perhaps, it's the sign of change as the leaves turn to yellow, red and orange and gently fall from the trees that shaded us in the Summer. For me, it's all of the above and the excitement of the Toronto Film Festival.
For three years, I have booked the first Friday off work to attend and stay the weekend. It's costly enough, but it's so worth it. Since we are on a budget, my daughter and I cruise the streets taking in free events and to celebrity stalk. Most of all, we meet so many interesting people along the way. My daughter has come to realize that despite the glitz and glamour, celebrities are also human beings. Last year's choice actress for us was Tilda Swindon. From her massive heels, poise and her kind mannerism, she was human and real. Of course, there are some celebrities more dramatic than others when asked to have their picture taken or partake in an autograph session.
This year, I was granted the honour of volunteering for the festival. I know it's going to be a tiring week between a full time job and volunteering, however, I'm up for the challenge. I would love the opportunity to blog about the event and perhaps I will do it right here.
Positive vibes are in the air for me right now. I can feel the excitement increasing for the leaves to fall and to feel a little chill in the night air. I love the summer, but with all of the opportunities and new beginnings of Fall, I just can't wait to see what's in store for us!!
Til Next Time,
Trina
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What exactly does "I'm just being honest" mean?
Friday, August 6 2010 at 9:06 pm
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As I watched an episode of Sex and the City last night about judgement, I realized that so many people these days are "Just being honest" where in fact, they are passing judgement on another. Something no one in this world has any right doing. If we accept our friends for who they are, then why must we judge their every day quirks that we do not view as unacceptable according to our standards?
Seriously, we all pass judgement on others based on our beliefs, but is it really necessary? I do it at times and I've come to realize, that my belief system, during my journey of self growth, is now skewed. I still believe that we are free to be ourselves, but I not believe that it should be at the expense of another's sorrow. I believe that even though I'm married with children, my personal growth should never revolve around one of those individuals. However, with that thought in mind, I'd die for any of them. Essentially, I came into this earth at the precise moment I was supposed to and I will leave the same way. I have every right to make my own decisions in between and not allow other's beliefs thwart me in the middle.
Judgement...is a huge word. Someone said to me the other night "Perhaps you should research the next company that you decide to work for before taking the job. Most of the recent one's have been a flop." I agreed wholeheartedly until I thought about it. I've taken these jobs based on my terms, on a part time, temporary basis (in my mind). Yes, they have been flops, but hell, they have been experiences. Each and every place, I've made a friend learned even more about people. I have bigger goals in mind but it will happen at the time is supposed to happen.
So really taking these shitty jobs wasn't a waste of my time. It's my life's course and it will change as I'm now in the most judgemental and insecure environment imaginable. This place is spewing with insecurity. I think I'm almost ready to put it all together and make my mark.
As I was listening to Wayne Dyer this week, I realized that even passing judgement on our children isn't right. Our children came into this world with their own personalities and goals. We have them on borrowed time. Their dharma is essentially their choice after we guide them through the trials and tribulations of childhood. So GO Christina!! GO Brandon!! I love you.
I've heard the term and used the term "I'm just being honest" often. It's actually hurtful, cruel, and not being a true friend. It's taking pleasure in another's faults and being the commentator of what's really wrong with them. For example, I know that I'm fat and wouldn't dare to ask anyone their opinion on it. However, aside from being fat, I'm a wonderful person, a great friend, a hard worker, not prejudicial against cultures and sexual orientation, loving, caring, and a good mother. So does being fat, trump all of the great qualities? Of course not!!! You'd have to be the biggest asshole in the world to judge me based on my external looks. So...why be honest about it because essentially it will hurt me.... and hurting me, is not being a friend. If your pompousness is so high, instead of answering.....just stop being a friend.
Judgement...it is my considered opinion that is better left to the judge at the end of my life. I think living life and "Just being honest" on our own actions "is the best route in life. I am no better than you as we all came from the same place and will return to the same place.
Judgement is perpendicular to assuming...it only makes as "ass" out of "U" and "ME".
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I'm Right Where I'm Supposed To Be
Tuesday, August 3 2010 at 1:39 pm
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Well here I sit, at 8:55 AM, with the same pathetic knot in my stomach that dissipated last Friday to enjoy the long weekend.
I am right where I should be. I haven't taken any calculated risks, my job hunt has been typical to the previous, and my finances are dwindling. BUT that's ok.....with me anyway. I chose this route back in 2009 when I started accepting whatever came to me because of fear. My career has gone from Operations Manager to Office Clerk in the blink of an eye. Why? Because I've chosen this path and I'm right where I should be based on my choices. Are they bad choices? Certainly not, as they've provided my family with food and shelter. However, am I living my dreams? No I am not living my dreams because of my ambivalence of taking risks.
Am I happy? You're darn right I am. Do I know where I'll get the money to pay all of my bills this month? Nope, not at all. However, I'm working aggressively to try and solve this temporary problem. My ultimate choice would be an apartment and a used Astro Van. My family just won't go along with that though. It's been a hit in the guts because I cancelled the cell phones. Like I explained, cell phones are a luxury many think a commodity. It truly isn't...I successfully made it home every day last week without the use of a cell phone. If I had a flat tire, I seen tow trucks on the road as well. Imagine that!!
My diet is not going so well. However, after a 5 hour drive to see my son in Barrie...I have acknowledged my issues and realize where they originate from. I'm a stubborn mule who has made three things in my life impossibilities. Food, Finances, and a perfectly clean home has always been a crutch because I'm stubborn. I'm so stubborn that I'm hurting myself. The why is a novel, not a simple blog post.
I want to explain to you exactly how I feel and I’m sure many can relate to this. I feel like that three year old girl on top of a bunk bed. The girl who was so excited to get on the bunk bed, but so very scared to turn around and come back down the ladder. There's a woman at the bottom saying, "Jump and I'll catch you!", and I say "No" defiantly. Eventually, she grabbed me and helped me down but I never ever went on a bunk bed again. I wanted to climb down, but fear stopped me....the woman was my only way of getting down successfully, just like taking any job today is my only way of keeping successful at a very minute level in my life.
I knew my destination (off the bed) at that time and I was still scared. I so want to take this jump now....but I have no idea what the destination is and that is the scariest part. I know I'm destined for great things, but I fear that it is now at a temporary cost. After all, my dreams are collaborative to the individual dreams of my family. That's why I say to kids now..."Do it when you’re young and alone. The risk and the failures are at your expense."
I want to write, but I need a journalism degree. I want to work in media, but I need a degree. I want to serve my fellow man...but unfortunately, at the level I desire, I need a degree. I want what I should have worked for years ago or will work for years from now. However, I want it now.
Do I feel like the loser in my current situation? No, I feel like I've taken care of business and have provided. I'm a great success in that manner because I do it each and everyday. Albeit, with a knot in my stomach and dreams in my heart. I'm living the Canadian Norm....living paycheck to paycheck, worried about being laid off, and feeding and sheltering my kids. The difference than before when I was looking for work. Daily affirmations that this is a blip in the road and abundance will come to me in time....at the right time. A laugh doesn't hurt either when the knot gets real tight.
Yes, I'm right where I should be at this time. Am I scared? Not really, I've been doing it for so long.
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