What If You Couldn’t Breastfeed?, Articles, living

What If You Couldn’t Breastfeed?

by Fedwa Lahlou
published March 10, 2011

rating: (28 Ratings)

Fedwa Lahlou gives her take on the question

Breastfeeding: it is natural in many cultures, including our own. So much so, that this creates significant pressure on mothers who do not breastfeed. There is only one thing to say: ladies, stop feeling guilty! You do not have to justify yourselves. For if breastfeeding is a right, it is also a personal choice.

What if it wasn’t meant to be?
There are perverse effects to any action that is taken to the extreme. In a pro-breastfeeding society, women who are not able to breastfeed may feel incomplete. Those who choose the bottle don’t dare say it aloud for fear of being judged.

For those who have tried and weren’t successful, it can be more difficult. There are women who don’t produce enough milk, suffer repeat instances of mastitis, deep fissures, bleeding, etc. Medication may temporarily require these mothers to stop breastfeeding, and this downtime may sometimes be enough for the baby to reject the breast.

Science has produced solutions, such as pills to increase lactation, cortisone ointments for chapped nipples, support by lactation consultants, and medication. The objective is always the same: to help mothers succeed in this natural act, thanks to techniques and medications. But at what cost?

What of a mother’s self-confidence?
Certainly, breast milk is the ideal sustenance for babies in most cases, but it is only responding to a physiological need. What your child needs most is your love. Whether you choose to breast- or bottle-feed, as long as you pass on all the affection you have towards him, and that you lavish him with all the care necessary for normal child development, he will be fine.

As a society, we must ask ourselves the following questions: when do we reassure mothers about their abilities? Who told them that breastfeeding is a life-and-death matter? If there is a right that we too often forget, it is that of being imperfect. Motherhood should be a pleasurable experience. So let’s swap the super-mommy costume for something more comfortable.

Here are a few interesting links and resources on the subject of breastfeeding, as well as mommy and baby’s health:

INFACT Canada

Breastfeeding Committee for Canada

Canadian Breastfeeding Foundation

La Leche League Canada

If you are a mommy and would like to share your personal breastfeeding experience, please comment below!

Tag(s): living, family, breastfeeding

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Darrah
March 10, 2011 at 3:14 pm

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Nice article. I have 5 kids. Tried nursing my first but with pressure from my mom I quit. So a 'formula baby'...and? He's very healthy. Next was a preemie by 6 weeks who was nursed for 12 months with no problems but lots of hospital stays due to asthma. Babies 3 and 4 were also a bit premature but I nursed for 10 and 12 months respectively. Both healthy but one bout of pneumonia. Now baby 5 is 11 weeks and nursed also. Starting at baby 3...right around 3 months I had found that I couldn't keep up. So sometimes I'd supplement. Health nurses tell you not to..."drink lots, nurse and pump frequently and you'll bring up your supply". So when that doesn't work it seems the attitude turns to..."well maybe just bottle feed, it's better for baby and you". Now I'm sorry here but...WHAT??? In the end, isn't 'some' breast milk better for baby than none? And...wouldn't that be better for a mommy? To know that at least she's providing 'some'? Society sets up a moms expectations of herself and then is so harsh when a woman isn't doing what she 'should'. Bull! I know from experience that it can be a stressful, pressured and extremely frustrating time. I tried extra nursing, pumping, all of the supplements, teas...nothing helped. So I actually take a doctor-prescribed pill that increases supply...works for me. I still supplement occasionally. Again...And? I believe every mommy should do what they feel is right for her and baby, be supported for every effort, and just enjoy them angels. They grow too fast to be worried about something that in the big picture, is so insignificant. Might even be less depression and post-partum if moms were supported more. Stress really affects your supply. I have suffered from post-partum with all 5 and with babies 2 and 3 had to stop nursing to be hospitalized and put on meds that meant I couldn't nurse. A mothers health comes first always! Another instance where society's pressure bites in...post-partum...but that's another story :)
V from Ontario
March 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm

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I agree. I am very much in favour of breastfeeding, but I don't think that a mother is less of a mother if she can't breastfeed her baby. I've actually heard other mothers say that if the hospital gives their newborn formula, they will consider it a form of assault. Assault?? It's ridiculous.

Breastfeeding isn't always easy. It was very hard for me at first and only got easier with time. For some women, it never gets easier. What they need is support, not judgment.
Monique
March 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

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I had both my babies in New Zealand which is a country very pro-breastfeeding. I had so much support it was wonderful, particularly when I and #1 struggled at first. My midwife was awesome and came every day to help because I really wanted to nurse. When I was in the hospital I did supplement with formula so I could get some sleep. Both my boys were big and constantly hungry, it never seemed like my milk came in fast enough for them, so the hospital had me sign a waiver before they would give me formula. Although breastfeeding was very much encouraged in NZ, if a woman decided not to or couldn't then her carer would support her in that. It truly was a wonderful place to have a baby.
Paula
March 15, 2011 at 3:30 pm

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I agree with the tone of this article. I am currently breastfeeding my 3rd child but it comes with it's own struggles and as much as I believe in it and enjoy it I also believe in the Mother's right to decide what works best for her and her child and not feel pressured or judged to be inadequate.
Allison
March 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm

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I have two kids with a third due in 2 months. I tried breast feeding with both my kids and could not produce any where near enough. It is extremely frustrating with all the pressure that society puts on us as mothers and then not being able to succeed. I tried medication for my first child but it didnt agree with her. So I had to stop. Even though I know the chances of me being able to breast feed my third are stacked against me I will still try and hopefully not get so down on myself if I am unable.
Its disheartening how much negativity was aimed at me when I had to feed my kids in public via bottle. People dont even think that oh maybe she is not able to breast feed. They automatically think that I chose this method. I think that is what was the most hurtful.
Amanda
March 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

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I thank you for this article. I was unable to breastfeed. My son would not latch and I wasn't producing enough. I felt like a horrible mother. All I heard from everyone around me was to try harder and it is the best for the child. I know it is best, but I just couldn't make it work. I tried pumping and all the tricks out there to make my milk come in. I became quite depressed listening to all these people. Once I finally accepted that formula is OK, my son was a much happier baby (he was now getting enough food) and I felt a little better. It does still upset me that I wasn't able to breastfeed as I had always wanted to do it. My advice is don't beat yourself up about it if you can't breastfeed, your baby will be just fine and love you just the same.
Suzanne
March 15, 2011 at 5:41 pm

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What credentials does Fedwa Lahlou have in terms of her ability to comment professionally on the merits of breastfeeding versus formual or artificial milk feeding? Breastfeeding is far more than just a physiological need, it is preventative health for the mother and the baby in addition to providing a psychological source of comfort and bonding that will only happen in breastfeeding. I would argue that our society is certainly not pro breastfeeding. Formula companies send free samples to new mothers even before they have had a chance to considerr breastfeeding and in many cases women are shunned or given dirty looks for breastfeeding in public areas - not the case wigh bottles though. The rates of breastfeeding are very low in the developed world, where people make the choice of convenience over health and development of their babies. I understand that some women may have physiological reasons for not being able to breastfeed, but this is not common place.
Elbyem
March 16, 2011 at 9:49 am

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I adopted my son when he was five days old: and you would not believe some of the judgmental looks and comments I received, when I put a bottle of formula to his mouth in public. Women need to do a better job of not judging each other in general, not solely on this issue. By the way - my 4 pound 11 ounce preemie is now a happy, super-tall eleven year old, with no allergies or other physical issues - he thrived on formula, and continues to do so.