According to the Associated Press, 70% of people don’t know that their significant other cheats. Long believed that cheating has always been a guy thing, this number actually includes men who are surprised to hear that their wives or girlfriends have been unfaithful. We spoke to writer and life coach Terri Giosia about the reasons why there’s been a recent rise in female infidelity, and how you can ensure you don’t stray.
Why do women cheat?
1. Emotional needs aren’t being met. Women are more emotional than men, Giosia says, so when there is a sense that men have withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and aren’t mentally present (i.e. not sharing their feelings), they’ll feel the need to look for such fulfillment elsewhere.
2. Boredom has seeped in. Not only in the everyday—the same routine, the same people—but in the bedroom, as well. The same position with the same guy can lose its appeal for some, and they will seek a little bit of adventure elsewhere.
3. There’s a sense of under-appreciation. When a woman feels like she’s not getting attention from her significant other, she’ll seek it elsewhere. The workplace, for example, is an ideal place for some women to stray: “With your colleagues, you do share a passion for your work, a work ethic, creating a bond that is strong and very appealing,” Giosia notes. “And the idea of that male colleague at work who's being appreciative and complimentary every day can indeed be very enticing if a woman is not feeling appreciated by her spouse.”
4. Change in life’s direction. When a couple is younger and first gets together, they may have the same ideals, same plans for the future, etc. But as time goes on, they may evolve together or as individuals; with the latter, what a woman wanted a few years ago may be different than it is now, and she may seek something—or someone—more fulfilling elsewhere.
How to prevent yourself from straying
1. Talk to your guy. Communication is key to any relationship. “People's desires and fantasies change over time,” says Giosia. “Hence a couple should remain open and talk about this.” Talking and getting a positive response will allow both parties to make any necessary changes to the relationship for the better, which will curb the desire to cheat.
2. Be spontaneous. If a relationship has gotten stale, both parties need to change their ways and be more impulsive. Adding a bit of excitement to your relationship, or even just changing your routine once in a while, will do wonders for your desire towards one another.
3. Seek help from a professional. Outside help from a relationship professional can help you figure out the root of any relationship problems, especially if you are unable to open up to each other. “However”, Giosia warns, “therein lies a big problem”, as the less a couple is able to communicate openly and effectively, the more the relationship will suffer.
4. Figure out what makes you happy. If you’ve experienced a disconnection from your partner that no amount of talking or counseling may fix, look deep within yourself to figure out if you’re truly happy in your relationship. Cheating on your guy is not a solution to the problem you may be having, so if a break-up is inevitable, let it happen. Your relationship will end on better terms than if you started seeing someone else behind his back.