It has been nearly a year since my last entry, and I find myself wondering where the time has gone. It has past so swiftly that I wonder if I have missed something in the ensuing time, or if it is just that my life is better, freer and happier that I don't have the time to dwell on old hurts.
By no means can I say that everything is perfect in my life. It's not, but whose is really? My life moves forward at the same speed as everyone elses, a minute is a minute, hour an hour and so on no matter what. But my purpose has changed - I am no longer cowering and wondering what I should fear next. Hiding when and where I can. now I stand proudly in the new life I have built for myself and breath deeply of the freedom of being able to make my own decisions - good or bad - and knowing that I have so many people standing by me to support me, love me and help me should the need arise. These are things I didn't count on before, more because I withdrew from participating in life as it should be lived. I cowered and wondered what would come next - if my marriage would survive the next blow, or if I even wanted it too. I questioned the love I had once felt for a man who I no longer knew and wondered how to free myself from the web he had spun around me - seperating me from friends and family in the hope of keeping me as he wanted me.
I now have a home of my own, and have found love in the arms of an old, old friend - my first love to be honest. And when I say my first love, I mean my first pupply love. You know - the boy whose name you wrote in the margin of your notebooks in school and whose name you added to your own with a Mrs. preceeding it! Hearts and flowers and the whole nine yards - that's what my life has turned in to - and I am humbled by it. To feel the truth in the love that someone shares with you is a gift, and I am unwrapping this precious gift of love one layer at a time. |
